When am I going to see you again?

Many people frequently express their anguish at not being able to see their closest family and friends during the global pandemic, and indeed this lack of contact has caused many people severe emotional and mental difficulties. Students unable to return home to visit family, grandparents not seeing their newborn grandchildren are just two examples of the overwhelming sense of loss being endured right now.

And there are other relationships that suffer as well, making a more subtle but significant impact because of the resulting feelings of loneliness and separation. When we are only ‘allowed’ to go out occasionally and are then expected to keep our distance and not interact with others, it means we are missing out on the more informal but important everyday relationships that reinforce our sense of meaning. of community and belonging.

I remember a restaurant that my parents used to frequent regularly. Dominic ran the bar and whenever he saw my parents arrive he would immediately serve them their drinks and wait for them. My parents loved this special treatment and the fact that he noticed and remembered them. His attention made them feel valued and important. That relationship was an important part of the restaurant experience.

We all have similar scenarios. The cafeteria or sandwich shop where they know our order, the shops and service providers where they remember the small details and treat us well. I remember how I smiled when the cashier at my regular supermarket expressed his surprise when there were no flowers in that week’s purchases! Being recognized and recognized strengthens our connections with others, making us feel noticed, valued, and less alone. It matters little that these people are not friends and we barely know their names. These relationships are part of a very different but important category.

Then there are those people we know well enough to share a few words with, a friend of a friend, a parent from school, someone we see pass by at work or recognize at the gym. Usually we would have stopped by, said ‘hello’, asked how they were doing, asked about their vacation. Once again, those smooth connections are gone and we’re on our own, rushing out to pick up our weekly groceries or order a coffee to go, if we’re still leaving the house to run those errands.

What about the arena events, the big concerts and sports dates, the networking expos where hundreds or maybe thousands of people flock together in a shared collective enthusiasm, all cheering on their teams, singing and dancing to their songs? bookmarks, meeting and exchanging potential business contacts. Once again, that shared connection unites us with strangers who have similar interests. We can smile at each other, dance together, share anecdotes, stories and memories for a while. Connecting with others elevates our spirit. We’ve been a part of that club for a while, and it feels good, which adds to the quality and satisfaction of the overall experience.

Children also learn about relationships from face-to-face contact. Running into a group of children who are playing, learning to share, taking turns, losing, not being chosen are all ways children hone their skills in communication, tuning in to body language, figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

Today, however, many of our opportunities for friendly interaction have been put on hold indefinitely, only to be replaced by the now-regular delivery driver, the take-out restaurant familiar with your name and your usual order. , the pre-arranged Zoom meeting. Many of these transactions are now done virtually, with orders at the door and little human contact.

Some new friendships have been made during lockdown. Many people have started getting their daily exercise at a similar time, perhaps going for a walk, run, or bike ride. Meeting the same people might mean a polite nod and greeting gradually turns into a smile and perhaps a few words of conversation, but these exchanges are often done cautiously, from a distance. We may know very little about whom we are meeting, but the feeling of having shared interests in walking or in nature creates a special bond and ensures friendly acknowledgment when we meet.

We may not have realized until now that the diversity of relationships is important in life. Not everyone we come in contact with has to be hugely relevant in every area of ​​our lives. Many are more whimsical and lighter connections, specific to certain interests and activities, but all nonetheless add light and a feeling of belonging. A smile, a nod, a few words here or there; losing that is a huge blow to all of us. We hope to see you again before too long.