The structural integrity of step four recovery

Countless experiences in life have shown that exposing my mind to something does not necessarily allow me to understand, accept or interpret it properly in the first step, or in the second, or in the third, or, in some cases, in the 25th. Take step four of the adult child recovery program, for example. I have read it weekly for almost seven years and only recently was able to work out what its purpose was, or at least what I understood it to be this time. I wonder why I was able to do it from a different angle or even the right angle now. Two reasons come to mine. The next time you read it, maybe a third party will. I can’t predict that.

To access my memory, I can tell you that, at least in words and perhaps even in theory, he states that we take “an intrepid and scrutinizing moral inventory of ourselves.”

One of these concepts, namely “fearless”, certainly explains why I could not understand the value of the step. I was not afraid! In fact, I’ve now realized that fear was one of the reasons, if not the main reason, why I couldn’t see it in a more positive light.

I was targeted and prayed for by my para-alcoholic father, who never uttered a nuance about the origin of his own alcoholic upbringing, and left me with hardly any sense of self-worth or self-worth. In fact, parting with me now only led to the ever-widening hole in my soul that he already bored. Why, he asked me, would I want to make it bigger? What was the value in such a process? In fact, the more he tried it, the more he fell for it. Was this supposed to be recovery?

Since we take personal criticism as a threat, which in itself is one of the traits of the adult child, what value could there be in highlighting flaws and inferiorities that I am well aware of and ashamed of, but have gone to considerable lengths? disguise?

Going back to the last pass of my mind on the step. While I will return to fear, what I discovered is that seeing it from a new angle required my willingness to undertake it, which in turn required a solid foundation built by the previous three steps.

“Foundation,” perhaps unconsciously, is a precise analogy that sheds light on the purpose of the fourth step. I am reminded of those who buy undervalued properties with the intention of renovating them with beautiful landscaping and high quality internal finishes for a profit. While painting a wall and installing a marble bathroom will certainly improve the aesthetic appeal of the home, closer inspections often reveal that flaws, such as cracks in the basement wall or crumbling subfloors, must first be addressed to improve the structural integrity of the building before visible improvements can be made. done. Otherwise, it will remain on a weak and possibly deteriorating basis.

Similarly, the structural integrity of my soul must first be restored before I can scale higher, and my character flaws make up my own cracked basement walls and crumbling subfloors. Unfortunately, I have finally been able to see the value of this step.

I find some comfort in concluding, after an initial examination of my structural weaknesses, that most of my flaws are byproducts of my chaotic, insecure, and abusive upbringing. Having had a normal reaction to an abnormal circumstance, aside from God Himself, I don’t know how I, as a helpless child betrayed and attacked by my own father, could have gotten out otherwise.

And with the words “God” and “father” again perhaps unconsciously used in a single sentence, comes the opportunity to return to the concept of fear that I promised to discuss. By transposing the image of my earthly father onto my eternal father, how could I embrace such a step? How could I identify my flaws and turn them into a force that I would equate with a figure like the Wizard of Oz who thundered “THE GREAT OZ HAS SPOKEN” to meek little Dorothy in a tone that echoed beyond the confines of the television? in my living room? And with the desperately lopsided power plays I routinely experienced with my father, that’s exactly where overwhelming interactions like these happened.

There’s the second reason why I couldn’t see the value of this step. I first needed to see God as the opposite and not as a composite of my earthly father, one who is loving and trusting, who does not harm or demean.

Therefore, the key to approaching this step is to be prepared to understand it and see it in the proper light, one that is ultimately beneficial and not additionally detrimental. The right perspective for me involves working together with God to identify the very obstacles that keep me from rising to Him so that He can remove the barriers from Him and restore me to wholeness.

Architects, by the way, call this structural integrity.