The biggest mistake couples with children make
He has been married or cohabiting for several years and has two children. Many of you probably don’t remember the last time you went to the movies together or had dinner together without the kids. How do you find time with all the demands of work and parenthood? You barely have time to do laundry, never mind going to the movies.
What I have described is a very common scenario among married couples with children. We get caught up in the daily management of the home and our work outside the home. For some reason, it just doesn’t seem as important as everything else. In fact, we might even feel guilty if we spend the time and money dining out. We thought about the cost of babysitting, dinner, wine, and parking. We also think about the logistics to make it happen. We often tell ourselves it’s too much trouble.
I’ve known couples who can go years without partner time. Each parent may spend time with his own friends, but they don’t spend time together. When we neglect our primary relationship we risk losing it; the same as anything else in life that we neglect. The strength and health of the relationship depends on how much time and effort we put into it. It doesn’t just happen. To make a relationship strong and healthy, we have to nurture it.
Children need and deserve a home environment filled with love, security, and peace. It is what makes them feel loved and safe. We owe it to them to make it a priority to regularly work on our core relationship not just for our sake, but for theirs. Yes, it takes time. Yes, money is often needed. Yes, it takes effort. Know, without a doubt, that it is worth it and your children will thank you.
Couples with children all too often make the mistake of neglecting their relationship and risking losing the relationship, which is never anyone’s intention. Make a commitment to schedule a date night at least twice a month. Do something together at night that you both enjoy, once the kids have gone to bed. Send each other little love notes throughout the day. All of these things contribute to a strong bond and a more secure foundation for your children.
Don’t find yourself looking back five years after the birth of your first child, unable to remember the last time you and your partner went on a date or just took time to be together in a meaningful way. It’s all too easy to let things get sidetracked to the point where you’re not sure how to get back what you had in the beginning. It does not have to be this way.