My husband cheated on me: should I immediately leave him without looking back?

I often hear from wives who aren’t sure what they want to happen to their marriage after their husband cheats on them. Many are hearing from friends that cheating is a deal breaker. Many friends will offer comments like, “If my husband was cheating on me, he would leave him immediately. He wouldn’t get a second chance. No marriage can survive that kind of betrayal.”

I heard it from a wife who had been hearing these kinds of comments from friends, family, and co-workers for months. She said, in part: “My husband cheated on me with a mom from my son’s soccer team. Our kids are actually teammates and friends. So, we’ve known this woman for a while, though I’m not sure if this matters.” “My husband ended the affair and said he’ll do whatever I want to get my trust back. But none of this is doing much to put my mind at ease. Frankly, I’ve always agreed with my friends who said a cheating husband is a husband.” who should be kicked to the curb. But now that it actually happened, I’m not so sure. I don’t want to do this to my son. At the same time, I have my doubts that our marriage will ever truly recover. I worry that I will always suspect that my husband is doing something wrong. And this kind of marriage is not good for my son either. So I have no idea what is best. Should you automatically leave a man if he cheats on you? I’ll give you my answer to this in the next article.

This is my opinion, although it is not very objective: I admit from the beginning that I am not very objective. My husband cheated on me and although I was tempted to leave him, I didn’t, mostly for my children. However, it turned out to be a good decision in my case, although I freely admit that everyone’s situation is different. With all this said, I understand that sometimes it turns out to be the best decision to leave your husband. But I’m not sure you should make that decision on a whim or right away. Because the thing is, in the days and weeks after you find out about the hoax, you’re walking in a fog. You can’t even begin to think straight. You don `t know what you want. And, you still have to see how this will all play out.

Sure, you can assume that you do not have the capacity to forgive or that your husband (or marriage) does not have the capacity to be rehabilitated. But, you can’t possibly know this for sure unless you see it and see it for yourself. You can speculate endlessly, but you won’t know for sure. I realize that not everyone is going to be able to let things play out, but having a little patience and giving yourself time to make a decision opens up a lot of possibilities.

I hear from many people that they don’t leave after their spouse cheats on them. And some of them are very grateful for it. Many tell me that if they had left, they would never have rebuilt their marriage and would not have the subsequent marriage, partner, children, or life that they now have.

A happy and rehabilitated marriage is possible after cheating: Many people who leave after their spouse cheats do so simply because they don’t believe their marriage can survive or return to a healthy and happy place. And, some marriages can’t. But some can and some do. With a lot of work, as well as honesty and rehabilitation, it is very possible to have a good marriage after being unfaithful. In fact, it’s not uncommon for people to tell me, as weird or unbelievable as it may seem, that their marriage is stronger now than it was before the affair. This doesn’t sound weird or incredible to me because I feel that way too. But I can understand why people who haven’t been through this have their doubts.

Recovering and saving your marriage is not automatic or easy. It does not happen for all couples. But it happens to many. And you can’t know if it will be possible for you if you automatically walk away without giving yourself or your marriage a chance. I never would have believed that I could forgive, trust, or give my husband my whole heart one more time, but I have, and I am so glad for it. I know this is not the case for everyone. But if I had left, then I wouldn’t have the marriage that I have today.

So while I couldn’t directly answer this question for this wife (since this decision had to be hers alone), I could tell you that some marriages survive infidelity. And that if she left, she wouldn’t have time to figure out if hers fit into that category.