How We Know Women Don’t Orgasm With A Lover
Intercourse and cunnilingus involve different female anatomies. During intercourse, the woman is supposed to respond in a complementary way to the male anatomy. It is supposed to reach orgasm by stimulating the vagina. In contrast, during cunnilingus a woman is supposed to respond in a way that reflects a man’s anatomy. In this situation, the woman is supposed to reach orgasm by stimulating the clitoris. No one, not the women themselves or their lovers, ever comment on this obvious contradiction.
The implication is that different women achieve orgasm through completely different mechanisms by stimulating different anatomies. Alternatively, the suggestion is that the same woman achieves orgasm on different occasions by stimulating a different anatomy. Both of these suggestions are absurd and are not supported by the male experience. It is not possible for women (like men) to have two sexual organs. Sexual responses cannot vary between women, either. The mechanism by which orgasm is achieved must be the same for all persons of sex or orientation. Orgasm involves massaging the blood flow (resulting from mental arousal) within the phallus.
Alfred Kinsey pointed out from his research that foreplay techniques tend to be incompatible with a person reaching orgasm. Orgasm is achieved by applying constant stimulation (specifically, this involves a rhythmic massage of the sexual organ). Men tend to stimulate various parts of a woman’s body so that both the stimulation and the anatomy continue to change. It is often implied that men are not sensitive or disinterested enough to know how to stimulate a woman. Not only do women not stimulate themselves with a lover, but they cannot explain to a lover how to stimulate them correctly.
Many more men talk about providing cunnilingus to women than women who talk about enjoying it. Certainly, there is not widespread discontent among women that men are unwilling to provide cunnilingus. Why should cunnilingus be harder than fellatio? No one acknowledges that these details are rarely discussed by anyone.
Surgical removal of a girl’s clitoris (misnamed female circumcision) ensures that she will never discover masturbation. This practice is accepted by women, which indicates the rarity of female masturbation and therefore female orgasm. Female circumcision is clear evidence that clitoral stimulation does not cause orgasm with a lover. Men would never eliminate a means for women to orgasm with them.
Some women claim to masturbate with a lover, using a vibrator, for example. It’s hard to imagine how this would work for most men. A man comes to a sexual opportunity already very excited. The idea that he waits for a woman to masturbate in front of him before he is motivated to want to have sex just doesn’t add up. Perhaps women are implying that they masturbate after a man has had his orgasm. But then one has to wonder why they need a man to do this.
Few women like orgasm. Those who do give stories taken directly from erotic fiction. They focus on stating that orgasm is possible rather than providing any evidence of sexual pleasure. These claims about orgasm are mere bragging. Women list various possible parts of the body as the source of their orgasms and generally cite pornography as their means of arousal. They repeat simple mantras like “I love sex!” or ‘Sex is wonderful!’ They do not appreciate that orgasm occurs as a result of what is going on in the mind.
The clitoris is a much less sensitive organ than the penis. A woman can use clitoral stimulation to enjoy orgasm, but only when masturbating alone. Given a choice, a woman finds the romantic setting far more emotionally rewarding than the erotic one. Certainly, a woman enjoys a fraction of the physical and emotional sensations of a man’s orgasm. Women use masturbation as a means of falling asleep. The feeling of lassitude after orgasm helps the relaxation needed to sleep. The effect is much stronger for men. This is the reason that men often fall asleep easily after having sex. While women stay wide awake. This is one of the signs that sexual activity with a lover does not cause female arousal or orgasm.
A woman has no need to have an orgasm with a lover. But some women like to please a lover by saying that they are having an orgasm. It is this male need to please a woman that causes much of the confusion about female orgasm. Certainly there is no sex drive at work because female orgasm is obviously an optional extra that is not part of social activity. The key reason a woman (even a lesbian) does not orgasm (by any means) is that there are no natural erotic arousals that wake women up with a lover.
If some form of clitoral stimulation (oral or manual) provoked female orgasm with a lover, women would have no reason to accept intercourse with all its risks. Given the lack of arousal women have with a lover, their only proactive option is to provide stimulation and arousal to help with male orgasm. Women would be less willing to cooperate with sexual intercourse if they could achieve orgasm by other means. Both men’s responsiveness and women’s unresponsiveness contribute to reproduction.
The man, with his highest level of sexual response, is the one who is most often interested in making oral contacts, and it is the wife who is most often offended. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)