Florida – Come on vacation – Get out on parole

Florida, a great place to visit. With all the attractions here, it’s all about having fun, not to mention that we see the sun every day.

However, there is one thing that everyone should be warned about. The long arm of the law does not play around here. Listen to me because I know from experience.

Yes, I was the town idiot one night in March 2006, and believe me, I’m not bragging about it. Yes, he was drunk and shouldn’t have been driving. In fact, I realized that after driving only a couple of miles, I was entering a parking lot where I was going to sleep, but here came Barney.

Now there wasn’t a soul on the road except for him and me, and I told good old Barney I’d been drinking and realized after a few miles that I shouldn’t be driving. Well, I’m sure you’ve all heard the expression “you have the right to remain silent.” This would have been a very good time to use that right, because old Barney had that camera in his car.

All I asked him was to let me sleep in my car in this parking lot, I told him I would close my eyes and that he could throw my keys anywhere, and that I would get in the back seat and sleep.

“Oh no,” he says, I might get out of my car, into traffic, and run over. “I need to get you to jail where you’ll be safe” not to mention the $ 2 to $ 3,000 you’re going to rape me for, fines, fees, court costs, and of course, probation.

I mean I’ve come to the conclusion that this was a blessing in disguise, I probably drink a tenth of what I used to, and won’t even have a beer if I know I’m driving. I will walk from here to Alaska so I never have to be incarcerated again. You only have to hit me over the head with a rock once.

If you come here from another state and get arrested, consider yourself lucky. Because you don’t want to be on probation here. It’s like they want you to fail, they want to keep you in the system for as long as they can. I swear the police down here think they are gods, if you’re not in law enforcement they are sitting around thinking to themselves, “I know this guy is a criminal, how can I prove it?”

While I was in jail, there was a guy for stealing a disposable Bic lighter. He picked it up from a table and lit his cigarette with it and slipped it into his pocket by mistake. I had been in jail for more than a week when I got there, because I had no money for bail.

There was also a California stuntman, who was about to violate probation because he refused to give his probation officer the fake guns he used in the movies. Then his probation officer lured him back to Florida to sign a document and arrested him, 90 days.

So folks, this is it, if you come here to the sunshine state, do yourself a favor. Save the drink for when you get home. Because tourism is falling right now and they have to make up for that loss of income in some way. Do not start fights and try to behave in the best way.

Because Barney is looking at you and trying to figure out how he can prove you are a criminal.

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