Family caregivers have promises to keep
I have been a family caregiver for three generations of family members and am now the caregiver for my disabled husband. My caregiving days start early and often end late. It’s an exhausting schedule.
The other night, when I was feeling exhausted, Robert Frost’s poem, “Passing Through the Woods on a Snowy Night,” came to mind. I love this poem and am intrigued by the fact that Frost said the last sentence twice to prove his point. Just as Frost wrote it, I said the sentence out loud twice and could almost feel his fatigue.
When I became a family caregiver, I joined an army of caregivers across the United States. According to an estimate by the National Alliance for Caregiving, during the past year 65.7 million Americans, 29 percent of the adult population, served as family caregivers for an ill or disabled loved one. Despite exhaustion and their own health issues, these caregivers struggle to keep their promises.
What promises do we make?
The promise of reliability. Care recipients depend on us and want us to keep our word and deliver. If we say that we are going to buy supplies for a loved one, we must do so as soon as possible. If we promise to take a loved one out to lunch, then we must. Our loved ones are counting on us.
The promise of security. No matter what the disease, no matter the age, your loved one wants to feel safe and secure. You may want to ask a consultant to conduct a security review of your home. New door locks may need to be installed, railings secured, and lighting upgraded.
The promise of patience. Sure, family caregivers get impatient, but we can keep our impatience to ourselves. The one thing we don’t want to do is project our feelings onto loved ones who are sick. Before I became a family caregiver, I thought I was a patient person. I found that my patience needed to be improved.
The promise of companionship. A loved one who moved in with you had to give up many things, including their independence, their beloved possessions, and the companionship of neighbors and friends. While we can’t compensate an entire neighborhood or all of our friends, we can be partners and attentive listeners.
The promise of quality care. To meet health care standards, we have to learn new techniques, get additional training, and hire outside help. A professional caregiver comes to our house every morning and stays for two hours, which is how long it takes to get my husband up for the day. He would be lost without his help.
The promise of kindness and love. You accepted the role of family caregiver because you care. I took care of my mother for nine years, I was the guardian/caretaker of my twin grandchildren for seven years and I have been the caretaker of my husband for two years. That’s a total of 18 years. The fact that he is alive is a miracle and I savor the miracle every day.
The good thing about care promises is that we can keep them. We keep our promises to the loved ones in our care, and because we want to keep them. Family care is love in action and that is a blessing.