Why can’t my son find a girlfriend? Is that a question that he has in mind?
It is hard to see your son go through difficult times. If you’ve ever wondered “why can’t my son find a girlfriend?” So I have some possible reasons that we’ve discussed on the dating radio show that I co-host.
By the way, the advice you’ll get here is G-rated. Our goal is to get good women and good men into long-term relationships so you don’t have any sex talk here!
Is your child a “good boy”?
This is a great attribute to have, but could it be too good? There are guys on our show who are just too happy to be with women. Everyone around these guys is shocked that they don’t have a girlfriend because they would treat someone so nice. The problem is that “nice guys” like this want to do too much, too soon, for the object of their affection.
Let’s put it this way, what if you walked into your local car dealership and declared that you would pay anything for that new car you just saw on the lot? Think you’ll make your best deal that day?
The same with women.
If he tells her (through his actions) that it doesn’t matter what he’ll “pay” to be with her, then even the best girl will walk all over him and get bored.
You don’t get what you deserve in life, you get what you BARGAIN.
Is your child the best he can be?
Do you care for your mind and body with equal vigor? Women want a man who can talk about things beyond sports, and while he doesn’t have to be a supermodel, in our visual society he has a better chance with MORE women if he’s fit, clean, and wears smart clothes.
You see, dating is a lot like sales. The better your product, the better chance you have of making a sale. It’s not that you can’t make a sale with a limited selection, but it makes it more difficult.
Put it this way, if you have 2 grocery stores next to each other and one has the basics while the other has the basics plus a seafood stand, a bake-your-own-bread deli, and other conveniences, which store has a better chance of doing more dirty?
Being the best you can be only helps you meet more women. Out of 100 women, maybe 20 are interested in his current shape, but he could increase that number to 40 if he’s fit and wears nice clothes. It’s not a guarantee, but I like the odds on him better with 40 women to 20!
Is he too serious with women?
As Cyndi Lauper said in 1985: “Girls just want to have fun.” Do you remember that song? It applies to dating and relationships with women. We tell guys all the time to keep things light and fun when they go out. He wants to laugh and have a good time on a date.
If your child doesn’t have that kind of personality, encourage him to study comedy greats, rent Cary Grant movies (who was the most romantic figure in movie history), and take improv classes or comedy classes.
Is it a mystery and a challenge?
This is related to the “nice boy” entry at the beginning of the article. Women like to WONDER about a guy they are interested in. We tell guys not to tell girls anything personal about them during the course of a date and to wait 5-9 days between dates to call them. We also tell them NOT to ask for a date on a date.
Basically, you want her to talk most of the time, laugh a lot, and then wonder if your child will call again. Her interest level naturally rises in a guy she can’t understand and is hard to get on with.
Is he a gentleman?
Eyes focused on her. She takes out the meat. She walks outside. Keep your door open for her. No sexual comments. Make her laugh (see how important this is since I mentioned it again?).
Also, you need to be strong enough to be able to say no. If she’s giving him static and he knows she’s being tricked, then she has to fight back. Too many guys are just happy to date her because they are attracted to her. If I’m giving respect, I expect respect back. A good woman will appreciate that she can’t run over her son.
Today’s boys have lost the art of chivalry, but good girls still want a knight!
Too many compliments and gifts?
You are allowed to give 2 compliments. When he picks it up, you can tell him that it looks good. When he leaves her, you can tell her that she had fun. Tell him NOT to give flowers, candy or anything like that.
Listen, I am in the business of giving compliments, flowers, candy, thoughtful cards, and other forms of affection to a woman, be it my girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. However, in the INITIAL stages of dating, compliments and gifts are perceived as a weak attempt to buy her affection.
If excessive gifts and praise really worked, then every rich man with a glib tongue would be in a happy relationship and poor, shy men would be alone forever.
Remember, she doesn’t respond to your child by GIVING him excessive amounts of things, whether it’s her attention or gifts. She wants to laugh, have fun, but also WONDER how many women are after her son.
Do you put yourself in the right position to meet women?
Do you play online on Friday nights and then go to the nightclub on Saturday and then to the sports bar on Sunday? These could be the wrong places to meet great women.
Online dating, speed dating, volunteer events, wine tasting, cooking classes, and dance classes are all viable options for meeting great women. Plus, in those settings, you have a better chance of getting to know her as a person, and of course, we want your son to have a woman who has a flexible and generous personality who is clinically sound!
If you’ve ever wondered “why can’t my son find a girlfriend?” I hope this article has helped you.