Tell the mistress’s husband: should you?

One of the most common emotions that arises after hearing about an affair is the desire to transfer the pain you feel to the person responsible for it. Although many wives will want revenge on their husbands (or will be very angry with them), they will most likely pay attention to the mistress. Often, in an attempt to hurt her, seek revenge and get her out of her life, wives ask me how to tell the mistress’s husband about it. I understand this impulse completely. I used to follow the other woman, but as she healed me, I eventually got tired of this and decided that she was giving her way more credit and attention than she deserved. In the next article, I will discuss this in more detail.

Why you probably want to tell the other woman’s husband about the affair:Often when wives email me with this request, I ask them what they ultimately want to accomplish by telling their husband. I often get responses like “well, he should know. I don’t want anyone to go through what I am” or “I want to get back at her. She shouldn’t be able to get away with it.” .”

I often respond with “how do you know the husband doesn’t know?” “What do you know about his situation?” And then I’ll ask what I think is really the bottom line: “Are you doing this because you think it will make you feel better or give you a sense of closure?”

Almost always wives will immediately say “yes. I think this will make me feel a lot better.” Well, let’s examine this, then.

Will telling the lover’s husband do anything to make him feel better or help his situation?: Most of the time, I have women who contact me after telling their husbands about a disastrous situation. Often the husband is unresponsive or hostile. Wives often do not come close to the release they hoped for.

Sometimes this will open another can of worms when the husband starts comparing notes and implying that it is your husband who is abusing, not his wife. So, you are left trying to decipher and evaluate everyone’s individual and different story. This does absolutely nothing to help you heal and leaves you even more confused and frustrated.

In truth, you are probably trying to tell your husband because you think this will help stop the affair and start your healing. But often what you can’t see is that all he’s doing is adding another layer to this drama and giving you one more thing to worry about.

At this time, you should focus on yourself and your own healing. You are not responsible for someone else’s marriage. Let her take care of her husband. You have no idea what kind of arrangement they have. You have enough to worry about right now without accepting her marriage.

If you really want to get revenge on the mistress, make sure you get what she doesn’t want you to have: happiness and/or your husband: Let’s stop and think about this for a second. What the mistress ultimately wants is your husband. The best case scenario for him is that you are in a weakened, desperate and unhappy state. In this way, your husband sees you as something undesirable and he sees her as an attractive and safe haven.

Don’t play the game. She doesn’t want you to handle this with dignity and grace because that only makes your job harder. She doesn’t want you happy and complete.

So take this time to focus on yourself, not her. If you want to save her marriage, just focus on the two of you. In truth, she has no place in your life. Don’t let her in any more than she already is. If you choose not to save your marriage, then leave all that negativity behind and focus on your own healing. Happiness is your best revenge.

After all, she wants to insert herself, with all the drama that surrounds her, in the center of your life. Don’t let her. Freeze her and ignore her. She directs your attention to yourself. You deserve the best you can give. Allowing her to violate this only hurts you, not her.