Sex and the new mom: how to get in the mood when you’re not

You’ve been up since 5 in the morning. Feeds, diapers, laundry, meals, emails, feedings, and more. You flop into bed exhausted at 11pm, praying that your baby sleeps for five hours straight. You look at your husband, who has that little glint in his eye. “Sex now? No way! Roll over and go to sleep dear!”

It is a family scene for families with young children. As a mother, you are too tired for any kind of sex, let alone great sex. But you know that a physical relationship with your husband is part of a healthy marriage. You feel bad about not wanting sex, but you are too tired to do anything about it. So how can you rekindle your desire for intimacy, even with a new baby?

1. Put it on the back burner, but don’t forget it. Having a baby takes a great deal of time, work, and energy. Sex may need to take a backseat when your baby needs it. But just like you wouldn’t put food on the back burner for weeks, don’t forget about sex entirely. When the time is not right for you, tell your spouse that you would really like to make love at another time, how about the weekend? Set a real time and keep your commitment. Food left on the back burner will eventually go bad and the same can be said for closeness in marriage if you neglect sex for too long.

2. Put your mind on it. Your brain weighs just over three pounds, but it has 12 billion cells with thousands of thoughts running through it every day. These thoughts determine what you think of yourself and what your actions will be. If you keep telling yourself, “I’m too tired to have sex” or “I don’t want my husband to see me naked,” guess what? You will act on these thoughts and avoid sex indefinitely. Why don’t you consider yourself a lover? Retrain your mind and paint a different picture of yourself as the woman your husband dreams of. Make sure to think every day: “I am a sexy woman, desired by my husband. I look forward to being intimate with my spouse.”

3. Put it on the calendar. When your baby has an appointment at the doctor’s office, do you go? Of course yes. Events written on the calendar with a specific time and place are held. The same applies when making love. Start by putting a special time for romance with your husband on your schedule. Look forward to a great time together. She will be so energetic and close to her husband that she will schedule her next date right away.

Having a new baby means making adjustments in your marriage. As you make time for sex, you will see that your husband responds more to your needs. He will make more diapers and help with the baby so you can get ready for your date nights at home. That’s something to get you in the mood!

Today’s Action Step: Talk to your husband about this article, “Sex and the New Mom.” Schedule a time in the next two weeks to make love.

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