Relationship Wisdom – Is reading in bed bad for your sex life?

A colleague of mine recently asked me to write an article in response to her question, and since I like to think about everything related to relationships, here are some ideas that can help you discover the effect of your reading in bed.

I have structured this article into questions, some of which will apply to you and some of which will not. Just check them out and see what’s in it for you!

1. What do I mean by reading in bed?

Some people read in bed to relax, to disconnect from the day’s activity, to sleep, because they don’t have another time of day to read or because that is their favorite place to read. If there is any other reason for you, please let me know in a comment. I’m interested.

How does your intention interfere, at all, with your sex life? Is this a sacred moment for you that you don’t want to be interrupted? Does your partner read next to you and do you share with each other about what you read? Are you happy to put your book aside if your partner snuggles up to you? Are they really clear in their relationship about the signals they feel to each other about whether or not they feel like having sex?

2. What is the message I send when reading in bed?

Because of your reason for reading in bed (question 1), you may have verbally or non-verbally communicated to your partner what reading in bed means to you.

Does it mean to your partner that when you’re reading a book it means ‘don’t bother me now’ or ‘I’m just waiting to fall asleep’? What agreements do you have between you about times and places to instigate lovemaking? Does this interfere with reading a book? Is reading a book an avoidance strategy for you?

3. Am I reading a book in bed if I’m in the mood for intimacy, romance, and sex?

In couples it is normal to have a ‘low desire’ partner and a ‘high desire’ partner. This simply means that, by comparison, one of you has a higher sex drive than the other. Often, it is this partner with the highest sexual desire that instigates the most intimate connections in their sex life.

Are you reading too, when you’re already in the mood for intimacy, romance, and sex? What signals do you send when you want your partner to be intimate with you? Do you usually wait to be prompted or is it usually you?

These are just a few questions that will help you see the effect that reading in bed has on your sex life and that of your partner. There is much more than reading the book, what goes on underneath, that influences your sex life.

If you have any thoughts on this, I’d love to hear your feedback!