Rape – Stranger or Date-Acquaintance – Healing is possible

weird rape

Stranger rape is non-consensual and/or forced sex with a woman or man who does not know their assailant. The definition of stranger rape is more readily accepted than that of acquaintance rape. The lack of acceptance that acquaintance rape receives does not limit the shame associated with the rape or the trauma felt by the survivor. Ironically, stranger rape is considered “real rape.” The image of the psychotic stranger attacking the woman is real and it happens. However, the frequency of rape by psychotic strangers is considerably lower.

Most rapists tend to attack the victim from ‘far away’. Such as: Seeing her in a parking lot, walking around the neighborhood-his access to her is secured and he calculates her attack. The calculation can be instantaneous or over a period of time. Some rape survivors later recalled seeing the rapist but did not suspect they were being attacked. While stranger rape is reprehensible, the road to recovery is easier than for the survivor of date or acquaintance rape. This is so because with date/acquaintance rape the ultimate betrayal has occurred: the individual’s sense of trust in men has been shattered and their ability to trust their own judgment of people has been shattered. .

This statement is not to devalue and disparage the experience of stranger rape. Rather, this statement is intended to legitimize all rape experiences. It is the hope that rape survivors will find understanding and awareness and that professionals will recognize the possible differences in the experience of stranger and acquaintance rape.

Date/Acquaintance Rape

“Acquaintance rape” is a sexual assault committed by someone the victim knows, such as a classmate, neighbor, friend, date, co-worker, or even a husband or boyfriend. In legislation, the word “rape” is no longer used and has been expanded to “sexual assault”. “Sexual assault” is any form of sexual activity (eg kissing, fondling, sexual intercourse, etc.) that is imposed on a person without their consent. This includes a wide spectrum of acts, from simple unwanted sexual touching to violent sexual assault, and applies equally to a stranger as well as someone known to the victim. Essentially, any sexual activity that occurs against a person’s will is sexual assault.

“Acquaintance rape” is the least reported form of sexual assault. More than two-thirds of reported sexual assaults occur within a dating relationship. Women are reluctant to report this because society believes that a woman who was attacked by someone she knew must have “asked” for it in some way. Men’s reluctance to report unwanted sexual touching is rooted in fear of ridicule for not wanting to have sexual contact with a woman or, in the case of contact between men, for being labeled homosexual. It does not matter who the aggressors and victims are, or what their gender is; ANY unwanted sexual touching is a criminal offense.

Danger signs in a relationship

While acquaintance rape is difficult to accept, it is true that in most sexual assaults, the victim knows the assailant. That’s why it’s important to identify people who are possible “known rapists.” Be appropriately suspicious of people who:

or rarely listens to you, ignores you, or talks over you.

or insult him or disparage and disparage his statements.

or sulk or get angry if you initiate their wishes or ideas.

Look through you or down.

o Control your life, telling you who your friends can be, telling you how to dress, insisting on making decisions about activities, etc.

or speak negatively about women or men in general.

or they are jealous or possessive.

or drink or use drugs excessively

or express anger and violence towards women or men either through words or physical means.

or they are unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry.

or have a fascination with weapons.

or speaking or acting cruelly to animals, children, or people whom he or she may bully.

or use inviting lines to get him into bed, like, “If you loved me, you would”; “You do not like me?”; “I’ll kill myself if you break up with me”; “You turned me on, so now you have to follow me”; or “You know you really want it!”

The effect of rape on one’s sex life

The consequences regarding the sexuality of the survivor are immediate. The survivor has the surreal feeling that her body does not belong to him, because her body is the ground on which this insidious battle took place. The touch is no longer experienced as affection, but as a violation for the survivor. Touch ceases to create a bond, reassurance, or comfort; hurts and confuses the survivor. Sex now feels ‘dirty’ like the act of rape felt. Survivors sometimes have a strong dislike (or urge) for certain sexual acts; feeling betrayed by one’s own body; problems integrating sexuality and emotionality; confusion or overlapping of affection, sex, dominance, aggression and violence.

The survivor may have a strong need to express their sexuality through seeking power in the sexual realm that is sexual performance (self-abuse and manipulation, especially among women; abuse of others, especially among men; compulsively ‘seductive’ or compulsively sexual; ‘must be or can’t be a sex offender; impersonal; ‘promiscuous’; sex with strangers concurrent with inability to have sex in intimate relationships, conflict between sex and care). Some survivors may become prostitutes, strippers, ‘sex symbols’, porn actresses; sexual performance to satisfy needs for anger or revenge; ‘sexoholism’, avoidance, closure, crying after orgasm; all persecution feels like rape; sexualization of significant relationships; erotic response to abuse or anger; sexual fantasies of domination or rape.

Rape Survivor Recovery Needs

Although the emotional impact of rape may not surface for days or weeks, the survivor needs immediate attention from family, friends, and professionals. The survivor needs you to:

o BELIEVE in him/her without questioning and without blaming. Whatever the circumstance, he/she did not want to be raped.

o RESPECT their fear. Rapists commonly threaten to kill their victim if he does not meet all of their demands. Although the survivor rationally knows that he is safe from the perpetrator, the fear remains long after the rape.

o ACCEPT: Your strong feelings and mood swings.

o LISTEN without judging or giving advice.

o CARE and nurture the survivor. Encourage him to take back his decision-making responsibilities to regain control of his life.

Signs that a survivor needs professional help are:

o Sleep disturbance (inability to fall asleep, waking up frequently, sleeping more than usual, nightmares)

o Drug and alcohol abuse

o Difficulty managing daily tasks and routines

o Marital or dating problems

or sexual dysfunction

o General fear of others

o Eating disorders: weight gain or loss, bulimia, anorexia

o Angry or generally argumentative outbursts

or depression

o Suicidal thoughts or attempts

It is important to know that healing from rape is possible. Engaging with a specialist who provides healing in mind, body, and spirit will create an effective healing process.