My wife doesn’t love me anymore! Why there is still hope for your marriage
Every time I get an email through my blog that starts with “my wife doesn’t love me anymore,” my heart sinks a little. It’s so hard to hear how many men are struggling with this in their marriages. Like you, they love her wife and are devastated when they hear her say that she is no longer in love with her or infer it based on her recent actions. The road ahead always seems cloudy and full of confusion if you are not sure how your wife is feeling and what that means for the future of your marriage. Instead of seeing this revelation as the beginning of the end, it is wise to see it as the beginning of positive change. Most couples have many obstacles to overcome as they move through married life, that is exactly what you need to see.
Falling out of love is something that happens to people whether they’ve been married one year, two years, or twenty-five years. We all change as we mature, and if you and your spouse are out of sync with the changes you both make, one or both of you may begin to feel an emotional disconnect. Over time, if a couple doesn’t address these changing feelings, a number of things can happen. One is that one of the spouses will venture out of the marriage and begin an intimate relationship with another person. Another result when a couple doesn’t stick together is that resentment can begin to build and verbal abuse becomes par for the course. Sadly, some couples just quietly let their marriage die until they divorce or live their lives under the same roof but very disconnected from each other.
The fact that you are aware that your wife no longer loves you is actually a positive thing. I know it sounds confusing, but if you feel that she has fallen in love or she has told you, you know you have problems that you need to solve. You are facing them instead of burying them under a happy attitude in the hope that things will magically get better.
Talk to the woman you married. Obviously, you need to be cautious in how you approach this topic. If you walk out the door with your anger burning, she’s likely to withdraw and not share with you what has caused her feelings to change so dramatically. The tone you set for the conversation is crucial. You should be compassionate and kind and explain that you understand that her feelings now may not reflect the feelings she had on your wedding day, but that you want to get some insight into what happened. Don’t tell him right now that you intend to fix things. First you need to feel comfortable talking about how you feel.
Sometimes a woman’s discontent in her marriage has more to do with her life in general than with her relationship with her husband. If he can encourage her wife to talk more about what’s going on in her life, that can help him piece together the puzzle of her changing feelings. Don’t pressure her to share more than she’s willing to share at any given time.
Obviously, it’s incredibly important that you also tell your wife how you feel. If you love her and feel deeply committed to making the marriage work, tell her so. She may not know how you feel if the two of you aren’t committed to regularly spending time sharing how you feel.
Being more emotionally connected with your wife, through discussion and even just spending more time together, can change the course of your marriage. There are times when a couple withdraws from the relationship because they feel that their spouse has given up. If you really want the marriage to work, invest and show her wife that you are by being there for her and helping her in any way he can.
If you think therapy would be beneficial, gently discuss it with your wife. Again, this is not something you want to push her into if she doesn’t feel it would benefit her. You have to respect her needs and wishes. Doing so will show her that you want to put her first, which can go a long way when you’re trying to rebuild a strained connection.