My spouse seems to think they can do better than me
It can be a very hard blow when your spouse leaves you. But the blow can be even worse when the reason her husband gives for leaving seems personal. An example is when she tells you that she thinks there might be someone “better” for him in the outside world.
Someone might explain: “I was heartbroken when my husband told me he was leaving me to seek a martial separation, but it hurt even more when he told me why. When I demanded an explanation, I expected him to try to kindly explain that I just needed some time to himself. After all, we haven’t really been fighting. We’re not as close as we used to be and I know my husband doesn’t feel like we’re always compatible. But I haven’t. “I think these little issues would amount to potentially facing separation or divorce. Instead of offering me guarantees, my husband confessed that he was leaving because in his heart of hearts he feels that ‘there is something better out there’ for him. He is basically saying that he thinks he will eventually find someone who is more suitable for him and therefore he will have the happiness he deserves. He says that he wants a relationship that isn’t so difficult. When I told my sister what my husband said, she was furious. She said that she should let my husband try to find something better than me and then he’ll quickly determine that I’m too good for him. She said how dare he act like I’m not good enough. I see what she is saying. And I am also offended by my husband’s words. But deep down, I wonder if he might be right. My husband is a very handsome man. He is very funny and generous. Many women would be happy to have my husband. So I have no doubt that many beautiful, capable and sweet women will one day be interested in my husband. But I’m also interested in him. He is mine. And it breaks my heart to think that he could find someone else. I don’t want him to even look for another person. This makes me very sad.”
I totally understand the sadness. I felt it myself. But I want to emphasize that sadness does not always attract your husband to you. I know this from an unfortunate experience. It’s normal and okay to feel sad. But sadness should not be the main thing you project when you are around your husband, especially when you want him back. I realize he already knows you’re sad. But men are more attracted to capable and self-respecting women.
Why projection is so important: I totally understand how you feel. But, to the best of your ability, try to minimize these negative feelings around her husband. As unfair as it is, your fear can make your husband think that you are aware that you are not the best fit for him, which is the exact opposite of what you want (and probably the opposite of what you think as well). ) Although it can be challenging to achieve, in my experience, the best attitude to project is one of calm confidence. You want your husband to think that while you are sad that he has come to this, at the end of the day, you are sure that you are the right person for your husband and that one day he will learn this. .
By the way, that he knows that you are right for him is not just an illusion. It is a real possibility. In my experience and observation, many men are initially sure that they will be happier apart and then quickly learn that they are not. The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, until they discover that it isn’t.
Let him know how you feel while projecting confidence: Meanwhile, I think it never hurts to be clear about your desire to move forward. Because if you’re just going to separate, you’re still legally married and, I think, you’d want to emphasize being faithful. You might try: “It’s upsetting to hear you say that you think there could be someone better for you. I don’t agree. And I think we can fix our marriage, given the chance. I hope you’ll come to this conclusion as well. In the meantime, I want to make it absolutely clear that I still consider us married. I intend to be completely faithful and will use this time to work on myself and consider what I want. I hope you feel the same way. A separation is not a divorce.”
Hopefully, he already understands this distinction. But it’s better to be safe than sorry and get this out in the open. Dealing with a separation has its challenges, but it’s very difficult when you have a spouse who is actively dating. You want to avoid this if possible so that it frees you up to focus on you and you alone. You will also want to very carefully present him with the best version of yourself every time you talk to him or see him. You want to keep reminding him that you are the one for him and that there is definitely nothing better out there. And you have every right to expect him to be faithful until then.