Lesbian sex for the first time in middle age

Most women who find out that they are lesbians later in life have some nerves when they face their first sexual experience. As a coach, I often hear questions like “What do I do?” and how I do it?” I also often hear comments like “What if I can’t please her?” and “What if I don’t like it?”

Please relax! Remember, lesbian sex is, above all, FUN. There are some real positives about lesbian sex that can really reduce tension, compared to straight sex.

• There is no need to worry about getting pregnant. This is huge. No birth control, no “slipping” and then having to wait on the edge of your seat for 3 weeks to see if you’ve gotten lost. Totally liberating.
• Then there is the issue of orgasms. Men have “one and done”, so basically in straight sex, when you’re satisfied, the experience is over. Not so with lesbian sex. With the ability to multiple orgasm, it lasts as long as we want.
• Lesbian sex is never vanilla. Just because it IS lesbian sex! However, it is important not to fall into a routine. Keep it cool.
• Communication is easier since you speak the same language. Men and women have different communication styles and this can lead to misunderstandings when it comes to sex.
• So of course the biggest advantage is that you are having sex with a woman, which of course is what you were wanting!

Now let’s say you’ve been dating a woman multiple times and you think she’s getting close. If the lady is also coming out (this often happens to middle-aged people), there is generally less stress around the loss of her lesbian virginity. They can learn together. While there are “how-to” books available on the subject, you will most likely end up doing the natural thing. I recommend books as a fun way to open up communication on the subject and perhaps expand your concept of what constitutes sex and exploring each other.

When the actual experience happens, chances are you will find it to be a totally natural and fabulous experience. However, some women describe their first time as strange. This is perfectly fine. You have gotten used to having straight sex and this is something new. However, if the strange feeling continues, or you feel very uncomfortable or you don’t like lesbian sex, you may need to rethink your orientation.

If you are dating a woman who is experienced, you may be feeling more stressed. So why not let her take the lead? Again, relax. Do what’s natural. There are no right and wrong ways to have sex. Listen to your partner, not just what he is saying, but his soon … breathing, moaning, groaning. It is possible to hurt her, but again, watch your partner’s expressions, listen carefully, and take their cues from it. Keep communicating before, during, and after sex.

Sex is always a learning experience when you are with a new partner. So in essence, every time you are with someone new it will be a first time. Each of you has different things that turn you on and you must learn that from others. While you may have read books or listened to other people’s experiences and think you know what lesbian sex is, the truth is that there is a great variation in sexual styles and needs among women. Some women may wish for oral sex, others may think it is a detour, some women may like penetration, some may not, some women may like to have their nipples touched, and some may do nothing to them, or even be painful.

Even if your partner has experience, it is also his first time with you. Make sure she knows that you are a virgin lesbian. That will be something she will be thinking about … making sure it’s good for you the first time. Therefore, the playing field will not be as uneven as you think.

When you have lesbian sex for the first time, remember that there is no right and wrong, only what you both like to do. There are no rules, just be natural and keep communicating – be aware of how he feels and let him know how you feel and what you like too. Keep these things in mind and I’m sure of one thing – your first time definitely won’t be your last!