I am discouraged by the immature behavior of my estranged spouse

It is very common to feel upset about your spouse’s behavior during a trial or marital separation. After all, you have probably been watching their behaviors very closely and analyzing them deeply. And this is probably because she is looking for clues as to what her husband might do next or how she might feel. But this is not always an easy process, and this is especially true if you find your spouse’s behavior off-putting in some way. A common example is the wife who feels that her estranged husband is acting in a very immature and juvenile manner.

I might hear that same wife say, “I know this is going to sound a little harsh, but my husband’s behavior during our breakup is absolutely repulsive. He’s acting like a teenage boy with acne. Sometimes every time I call him, I can listening to silly movies or cartoons in the background. The other day, I came by and he had a group of guys and they were eating pizza, drinking beer, and playing video games. Now he spends his Friday nights going to sporting events and staying out late into the night. night. It’s really annoying. I’ve been wanting my husband back all this time. But lately, I’m starting to have my doubts. To be honest, I want a grown man back, not a teenager. Why is he acting like this? way? And will it ever stop?

Believe it or not, this is nothing unusual. I have a couple of theories as to why some men act this way. And I will share them now.

He’s just letting off steam: People act differently when they are under a great deal of stress or are going through a life crisis. Women often buckle up and get pretty serious. Men can act in the opposite way. Why? Because this is a painful time for everyone and it is a time full of uncertainty. Because of this, it is likely that you are turning to things that provide you with simple pleasures. And sometimes, the simple pleasures for a man are things that we women can see as immature. He may not be completely proud of his behavior, but he may also be giving you some relief.

He may be testing his freedom: Many men seek breakups because they want more space or because they want to feel more like an individual and less like a couple, at least for a while. And that’s why it might be attractive for him to fully embrace this space. He may like to do things that you would normally pick on or belittle him for. It’s like being a teenager when your parents are out of town. You are going to test the limits simply because you can and because you are no longer under someone else’s watchful eye. Is this behavior to be proud of? No, it’s not. But that’s what happens sometimes. Fortunately, if this is the reason her husband acts this way, it usually doesn’t last long because the novelty eventually wears off.

His behavior may be an extension of his midlife crisis: Some men want separations because they begin to feel like they are living their father’s life. They look at what they’ve accomplished and feel disappointed in some way or wonder “is this all there is?” In response to this, they will sometimes look to get rid of some of their responsibilities and start living life focusing on what makes them happy. And so you see them focusing on everything but being a responsible adult. Again, I know this is frustrating, but this type of behavior can subside as soon as the thought behind your mid-crisis fades, which it usually does.

So how do you handle this? I know it’s tempting to draw their attention to how stupid you think their behavior is, but I rarely see that strategy work very well. I see that people are more successful by simply ignoring the problem and waiting for it to pass. Frankly, sometimes he acts this way hoping to get a reaction from you. If you don’t get involved, the whole reason for the behavior fades, which means it could stop.

I’ve always thought that dealing with your spouse during a breakup can be difficult enough without reacting to every little behavior that confuses, hurts, or angers you. Sometimes, you just need to pick your battles. And for me, this is not one of the battles. You don’t want to put yourself in a position where you act like your husband’s mother. And frankly, you could be doing much worse things than hanging out with your friends and playing games. At least you’re communicating regularly, you know what you’re doing and you know who you’re doing it with.