How much information is needed to tell the truth?
Being honest is something we learn growing up, but no one really teaches us how to do it, when it’s appropriate and when it’s not, and how much information we really need to share when doing it. Let’s take a look.
telling the truth is good
Growing up, I remember my parents preaching that telling the truth is a good thing, however, throughout my life, I have experienced many times that doing exactly that has brought me more pain and sadness. I once told a boyfriend that I met a new guy that I found interesting and that I would like to get to know him better. My boyfriend didn’t want to hear my truth and he walked away. I was shocked! I totally didn’t expect that.
Tell the truth, now!
Parents want their children to explain what really happened instead of making excuses. The question really is: What happened before this situation that caused the boy to believe that he couldn’t tell what was going on? Children often experience punishment, shame, or fear from past experiences with parents, teachers, or other caregivers that prevent them from simply telling it like it is.
Even the promise of the parents not to punish the child if they only told the truth is not always fulfilled. Receiving double standard messages doesn’t make it easy…
time and preparation
I believe that telling the truth can only happen when 3 conditions are present:
1. Is what you are going to say about yourself and can you be absolutely sure that it is true?
2. Is the other person ready to hear what you have to say?
3. Is it beneficial for you and the other person to know?
If you answered one of these questions with no, wait for a better time. This does not mean that you have an excuse to never confess to something you have done. Be honest with yourself when answering the questions: Being honest with yourself is the first step.
How much detail?
Working with clients in distress has taught me that the amount of detail is another important issue in telling the truth. Too much or too little information can be harmful, depending on the case. Saying too little and leaving the rest to the other person’s imagination can create more pain than saying everything. On the other hand, going into too much detail about a sensitive subject, such as an affair, could also add to the pain instead of clearing the air.