How long should I make my husband wait to get back after his cheating and affair?

I often hear from wives who are trying to formulate a plan to make sure that their husband is so sorry and desperate to get back into good hands and save the marriage after an affair, that he never cheats again. To that end, many feel they should prolong a separation to allow her to see how she feels about being alone and to create some doubt and fear about when she (or if she) can return home.

I recently heard from a wife who asked, in part, “How long should we stay apart after my husband’s infidelity and affair? I found out he cheated on me about three months ago and immediately kicked him out. I couldn’t bear to look at him or live with him.” him after I found out he betrayed me. About a month ago he started begging my forgiveness and asking me when I was going to let him move home and end the breakup. I’m not sure if I want to do it yet. Honestly, I’m becoming more receptive him and save our marriage. I miss him. But I want to make sure he’s okay and that he’s sorry for cheating on me. I figure if I make him wait to come home a little longer, he’ll appreciate me a lot more. How long do people usually wait? wives before taking her husband’s back, allowing him to come home, and ending the separation?

There really isn’t a definitive answer to this question. Some wives use their own feelings and desires as a guide, some wives are swayed by their husbands’ desires and feelings, and some want to hold out as long as they can to make a dramatic and definite point. However, I will offer some considerations and tips for making this decision in the next article.

It’s usually not the best idea to allow yourself to be pressured into doing something you’re unsure about (or unprepared for) after your husband’s or cheating on you: Many wives in this situation are under great pressure from their husbands. He will tell you that he misses you and possibly the children. He will say that he wants to come home and often he will tell you that he has learned more than his lesson. He may tell you that the separation is killing him and he’s not sure he can take it another day.

And all of these things begin to weaken your resolve and make you feel guilty that your decisions are affecting and possibly hurting another person. But this is what you have to remember. You probably initiated this separation to have time to work out your feelings in your own way. You probably wanted to set things up so that if you decide later that you want to save your marriage, you put yourself in the best position to do so.

What, if anything, has changed? I am not asking this to discourage you from allowing your husband to come home. I’m asking this to give you perspective. If you want him to come home and end the breakup as badly as he did and you’re both willing to work really hard to start the healing process, then I don’t see the need to drag things out just to prove a point. But if he has to make this decision because he feels unrelenting pressure despite his misgivings, he may want to give himself permission to take his time. If her husband is sincere, she will wait.

Be sure not to make decisions that go against your own wishes or feelings just to test your husband or prove something: Having said the above, it is sometimes relatively clear that the wife in question misses her husband, does not want the separation anymore and would like her husband to come home, but feels that she needs to hold on a little longer. to test her husband or to prove a point.

She figures that the longer she can make him sweat and the more desperate she can get him to come home, the better her position and the more he will invest in saving the marriage. While this is completely understandable, it sometimes backfires. The husband may lose patience or become resentful. And honestly, do you really want to start over in your marriage by gambling and being dishonest?

So when is the right time to end the separation and allow your husband to return home after an affair or infidelity: There really isn’t a right or wrong answer to this question. Most people have a feeling in their stomach or heart that tells them that the time may have come. I suggest listening to that voice as long as you know that: the other person is out of the picture; the deception has stopped; both are committed to repairing and saving the marriage; and not only are both willing to put in the work necessary to make these things happen, but they have a plan to achieve it.

If all of these things are not present, it is usually beneficial to wait until they are. But if you believe in her heart that her husband is repentant and ready to be rehabilitated and wants him home, then there’s probably no reason to play games. But if any of these things are in doubt or you are not sure, remember that this decision is yours alone.