Help your relationship survive COVID-19
Was it really a surprise to learn that more than 80 couples filed for divorce immediately after coming out of lockdown in China? Being together 24/7 is something we rarely experience for any significant length of time, perhaps only around Christmas or holidays, and then there are usually outside distractions.
So, in these extraordinary times, let’s consider ways to help your relationship survive COVID-19.
– Accept that there will be both high and low days. We have all been affected by this pandemic. From losing the people you know, your job, your business, your health, it is also the uncertainty of how long this time will last and the long-term implications that can cause our minds to run into “what if” scenarios and cause changes of mind. humor. Accept that if your partner has a ‘breakdown’ it’s not automatically about you, so don’t take it personally.
– Talk to each other. Communication is crucial at a time like this. Don’t think silently about your situation, but don’t repress how you feel either. Keep talking. Everything is different from normal. Our eating habits, alcohol and coffee consumption, exercise, social life, and sleep patterns have likely changed. Each has an impact on our mental and physical health and well-being.
– Let yourself be carried along sometimes. If your partner is in a good place, she doesn’t want to hear negativity, she says, ‘leave it for now’, or, ‘leave the misery’, be prepared sometimes to take that into account. Try to let your good mood trickle down to you.
– Stay connected and talk with others, to your family and friends. It helps to discover that many people share your fears and worries and are experiencing similar irritations in their relationships. Perhaps join online sites and chat rooms where you can share coping tips or be receptive to the many activities and interests available. Perhaps host group chats, virtual dinner parties, morning coffees, or book clubs where you can socialize and enjoy the company of a variety of people and activities.
– Agree to give each other space and not do everything together. There are times when one can do the grocery shopping, walk the dog, do some work, go read or relax in a quiet bath and enjoy some alone time. Again, it’s not personal, but it allows each space to “stay” together for a while.
– Enjoy separate hobbies or interests. One may want to study or be interested in pursuing a hobby that one normally does not have time for. Give them a chance to spend time on this while they can.
– Find new activities you can do together, something in which both have expressed interest. Maybe you plan a special vacation after COVID-19, or go through his music catalog, old photos of him, games he used to play; you can find hours of fun, laughter, and nostalgia to help your relationship survive COVID-19.
– When we are confined to our homes and away from all that is routine and familiar it is understandable that someone breaks in from time to time! Many of us feel like we have little or no control. Our family structure, work, exercise routine, social structure have disappeared, almost overnight. Forgive the occasional outburst. But if it happens more and more frequently, try to discuss what happened next, when things are calmer.
– Be patient with each other. Accept that it’s often the little things that cause the biggest irritations. A big complaint is most likely being discussed at that point, whereas smaller things like not emptying the trash bins, leaving a dirty cup on the table, not offering to make a drink could trigger underlying frustrations and annoyances. . If this occurs, try to take a step back and agree to discuss it at a less stressful time.
– Maybe you’ll agree with a word of ‘timeout’, phrase or action that can be used to create a pause if things seem to be getting too hot. Then separate for a while. Maybe one goes for a walk, freshens up, spends time in the garden. Yes, sometimes, particularly in these unprecedented days, we have to ignore some things and not comment or criticize everything that offends or we don’t like. But if harshness or temper outbursts occur more frequently, you should consider your options. It may be helpful to discuss issues with family, friends, or use helpline support.
– Could alcohol be a factor? Alcohol sales are definitely up, as is sugar and candy consumption and time spent on gambling and porn sites. Again, mental and physical health, daily exercise, perhaps a walk in the fresh air, getting up regularly at the same time, showering, and maintaining a healthy routine all support good health, sleep, and a better focus of your relationship.
– If money is a problem perhaps negotiate a weekly or monthly allowance for each to spend on their own whims, with the agreement that no comments or questions are asked.
– Decide not to let children dominate every waking moment. Some families insist that their homeschooled children wear school uniforms to make it clear that this is not an extra unplanned vacation. Plan your lessons, but also schedule online exercise classes, crafts, reading, chores so you have quiet time during the day and aren’t exhausted at night.
This period of lockdown could be the time for you to come together, strengthen your love, closeness and connection, capable of creating many good memories along the way. A little thought, consideration, and sensitivity can help your relationship survive COVID-19.