Guilt and Remorse – Part 1 – The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of a Guilty Conscience

The feeling of guilt, according to the author, David C Pack, is now absent in society. The 1960s, he says, was the decade of “questioning everything,” ushering in an era of “going with the flow” in the 1970s.

I would certainly agree that an ethic of tolerance seems to have replaced morality in modern times. And that issues like MP expenses and the denial of parole to the Greatest Train Robber, Ronnie Biggs (who in his last taped interview seemed to have no concept of a guilty conscience, but gloried in the notoriety he had been given” earned a place in history”. ) highlight the differences of opinion in defining the whole concept of guilt and remorse.

But while society, as a whole, has achieved relative “success”, if you can define it that way, in overcoming shame, I would say that there are still many people who still find themselves engulfed in feelings of guilt even after the slightest wrongdoing. minor. In fact, I read, a while back, about a man, Jeff Lucas, who described himself, in his youth, as a “shame junkie.” The term resonated with me and sparked an argument with my husband.

“That describes me years ago,” I told him.

“Yes!” he accepted. “But what were you ashamed of?”

“Everything,” I replied.

And that about sums it up.

FEELINGS OF GUILT AFTER CHRISTMAS

I wrote, shortly after Christmas, about several areas that I had identified where my relationship with my family members had left me feeling like I had failed. I had a strong attack of guilt and remorse. But while my heart was telling me, “I could have done better; I should have done better,” my head knew, even then, that this wasn’t necessarily true. Given the same set of unavoidable circumstances, namely my father’s deafness, near-blindness, and insanity, my response—to his nocturnal wanderings in and out of rooms occupied by other family members, to his clothing or to the desire to eat in the middle of the night, to his inability to participate in a conversation or game, or his refusal to take a walk with the rest of the family – would be equally inevitable. I know, objectively, that you can only deal with this kind of thing to the best of your ability; and with the welfare of all concerned first in his mind.

It made me think. What are guilt and shame? Are they the same thing? Is it good or bad to experience them emotionally? Is your absence in someone’s life a sign of arrogance or cruelty?

The Free Dictionary definition of a guilty conscience is “the remorse caused by feeling responsible for some offense.” But this is not entirely useful. My guilty conscience was not the result of any offense. Yelling at a man who is deaf and doesn’t want to use his hearing aids is the only way to make yourself heard and understood. A door at the top of the stairs and a gentle “handling” of him back to bed in the middle of the night are the only options when it comes to the safety of someone with macular degeneration, even when he tells you: in terms unequivocal, that you are a “damn maniac”. And as distressing as his condition was, you had to be a saint not to lose patience from time to time.

GUILT AND REMORSE

So a feeling of shame and a guilty conscience may not actually mean that you are guilty of a crime. In my opinion, shame is something I can feel for something that was done to me (if they stripped me, for example) or for something that I did or didn’t do, like the guilt of cheating or not writing my thanks. letters after Christmas. The fault on the other hand, well, actually, the fault may lie in the same hand. Because rape victims often feel guilty, in the mistaken belief that they may have been partly to blame. While the rapist himself, though guilty as hell, may show no shame or remorse. Confused, isn’t it?

But don’t just take my word for it.

On the Wikipedia website, cultural anthropologist Ruth Benedict cites shame as “a violation of cultural or social values, while feelings of guilt arise from violations of one’s internal values.” She continues: “Therefore, it is possible to feel ashamed for thoughts or behaviors that no one knows about, and feel guilty for actions that gain the approval of others.” In the same article, psychoanalyst Helen B. Lewis argues that, “The experience of shame is directly related to the self, which is the focus of evaluation. In guilt, the self is not the central object of negative evaluation. , but rather the thing done”. is the focus.”

There is not much consensus, then, among the experts!

So where does all this guilt and shame come from? Would it be beneficial to society if it could be eradicated from the human psyche? And is David Pack right in saying that it all stems from the fact that civilization was founded on man’s natural inclination to judge for himself how to live, how to make decisions in life, how to direct his own steps?

Read Part 2 Guilt and Remorse: The Nature vs. Nurture Debate