Are you too eager to fall in love?
I suspect we all know people who just have to be in a relationship. If a relationship ends, they immediately go on high alert, desperately looking for the next person to fill the vacancy in their life. Is it okay or do you think there is something wrong with being so eager to fall in love?
Certain times of the year have the potential to be especially difficult for single people; Christmas, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, long weekends, events where couples are invited together can accentuate the feeling of being alone and without a partner.
– Some people don’t feel complete unless they have someone special in their lives, someone to care for, care for, think about. They can even experience a physical incompleteness when without a partner, a deep inner emptiness, where their need to be needed defines who they are. Their relationship with their partner gives meaning to their lives.
– But when a relationship ends, it’s often good to allow time for “the dust to settle,” to have a period of adjustment, reflection, even grieving, followed by recovery and healing.
– Whatever the reason for the breakup, it can be beneficial to take some time to reflect on what happened, what went wrong, the lessons learned, and most importantly, what you want and don’t want from future relationships. It can be good to have some time to learn to cope on your own, even if it feels strange or uncomfortable. It is important to take time for yourself, learn from past experiences, and commit to reconnecting with who you are.
– Post-breakup, we can become so aware of what we don’t want in our next relationship that we react by focusing on the desirability of traits and characteristics that are the exact opposite of what we previously had and blinding ourselves to other considerations. consequently noting little else, good or bad, that falls outside that criteria.
– So having a very organized, fit and sporty ex or a dedicated fashionista could prompt us to react by looking for a new partner who is more casual and laid back, the opposite of what we’ve drifted away from, only to eventually chafe by his seeming carelessness, realizing that somewhere in the middle there is a good compromise.
– When we are too eager to fall in love, it is tempting to see what we want to see, where we only notice the shiny packaging that is presented. It can be seductive to blank out uncomfortable feelings and occasional annoyances, to justify or excuse your days off, irritability, or lack of motivation because you can’t wait to make this new relationship work.
– It is easy to forget that we are seeing the best version of someone at the beginning of a new relationship, the kind, friendly person, eager to please and who can also really want to fall in love. They are calm, happy that they like the same things, they are kind to our children, our elderly relatives, they don’t mind being bothered if we change our plans.
– In the first days of a new relationship, everyone is on their best behavior, it is the honeymoon stage of the relationship. It’s okay if we are able to enjoy it, but also to appreciate that it is the moment in which we know the best version of the person we are dating. Ultimately, at some point in the future, it’s normal for things to go wrong, issues and disagreements to arise and have to be worked out.
– Enjoy the good times. but also keep a healthy perspective. Enjoy the excitement and excitement of meeting someone new; the sexual chemistry, the fluttering when you get a text or are about to see him. But also be realistic and know that all relationships require work, tolerance and patience, plus a good sense of humor at times to be successful.
Begin how you want to continue and put good clothes on instead. Be clear about having some time for yourself, about maintaining existing friendships and interests, even if you decide to include them sometimes. Establish good communication channels and discuss any ‘hot topics’, problems or disagreements that may arise. Share your feelings and be prepared to commit from time to time. So being in love may well continue to be a wonderful part of your life.