Legal Law

When He Leaves: A Christian Woman’s Story of Separation and Divorce

This is for all the women who got married in their twenties, thinking they knew everything there was to know about life. Whether they were deeply in love or just assumed marriage was the next logical step to take, now, years later, they’re not so sure.

When I found myself, a Christian with strong morals, values ​​and dreams, separated from a mother three years after my church wedding, I didn’t know what to do. He had packed up and moved on. I felt powerless to change the situation. My new state of being was mortifying, shameful, and traumatic.

I kept the breakup a secret for as long as I could. I told a sister and a girlfriend. I did not tell employers or co-workers. Finally, my father found out. The reactions were all the same. They might shake their heads in disgust and cluck their tongues. They could listen, but none could offer advice. It was my heart at risk. I didn’t want anyone to talk about “I told you so.” The problem of what to do was mine.

I know that many women have dealt with situations worse than the ones I faced. How we process events depends on many things: a woman’s personality, her upbringing, her support network or lack thereof, her values, her morals, and her faith.

I was a sensitive woman with strong convictions. The events of what happened next cut me to the core. I was not prepared to deal with my first husband’s dysfunction. Being apart was not something I saw coming. However, mine was not a good marriage. Ever since the honeymoon, I knew he was in trouble. Once he was gone, you’d think he’d be relieved. But I had many obstacles to overcome.

My story goes back to the 1980s; a time when not many Christians were getting divorced, at least not any Christian I knew. There was no internet and few resources available. The church was way behind in knowing how to deal with a growing problem. So I was flooded.

I don’t know if sticking with trying to work out a broken relationship for so long with Randy was God’s ultimate plan. I doubt that God requires Christian women to open up to toxic men who abuse and play games with them. But many women endure. They resist the dissolution of their marriage. For some, things may work. For others, like me, holding on only brought more trauma-trauma that would surface years later when my own daughter was about to get married.

Read my story “No More Games: When Christian Faith and Marriage Collide: A Memoir” available on Amazon.

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