Self-Sabotage Snack After Gastric Bypass Surgery: Why Do We Do It?
LivingAfterWLS reader feedback is the biggest problem for people after undergoing gastric bypass – the problem is that we snack on unhealthy items, sabotage our weight loss or maintenance, and spiral back into the self-loathing that is a part so emotional from morbid obesity.
None of us go into surgery expecting to be the “one who lost all that weight and put it back on.” None of us go into surgery expecting to become sneaky eaters. We all believe that we can beat obesity with our “tool” and we all hope to become healthier, more active, and yes dare I say more attractive and happier after WLS and massive weight loss.
So why do we work so hard to defeat the system? Abuse the tool?
I spent time going through my journal since my weight loss surgery and discovered some interesting things about myself and my snacking habits. See if this sounds familiar:
– Five in the afternoon is a trigger snack time for me because I grew up eating a snack after school (hungry or not) and when I walk in the door at night from my adult job I become a school and want / need / long for my “after school snack.”
– When I opt for healthy high-protein, low-fat, and low-carb snacks, I am very satisfied and satisfied with myself. These snacks include cottage cheese, hard-boiled egg, deli turkey, sugar-free gelatin, beef jerky, and almonds.
– Most of the time I opt for soft food snacks: crackers, RitzBitz trail mix, peanut butter wheat toast, and worst of all, nut butter cookies. When I indulge in these snacks, I’m not satisfied, I feel lazy, and I hate myself. I risk throwing myself.
– Most of my sandwiches are made undercover: I buy a single-serving packet at the convenience store and eat it privately; never at my work desk, never in front of my family. This covert behavior is reminiscent of the days before WLS and makes me feel disgusted with myself. “Who the hell are you hiding from?” I wondered in an entry.
– It never occurs to me to chop carrots or apple slices or berries, oh no! I have convinced myself that forage will only destroy my belly. “I can’t have that,” I say, shaking my head with a lot of willpower and determination.
– My posts about snacks or self-loathing and remorse were constantly filled with negative conversations like “I ate without thinking, AGAIN”, “nervous snacks today”, “I carelessly ate a box of animal crackers, never had a bite and then I got sick: I’m an idiot “,” I was shoving food in my face like a junkyard dog, how ugly it must have looked “,” I made stupid food choices today and then I had chocolate cake with frosting and threw myself; it was like if he was trying to punish me and I did. “
– My comments about exercise are consistently positive and filled with words like “I felt great” “I could have run another mile” “I feel so strong” “Tons of energy” “Fantastic workout” “Strong lungs feel phenomenal. ” However, I search for the snack bag more consistently than the running shoes. Why can’t I understand how extraordinary exercise is for me and that I really enjoy it and like it when I move my body? Why is it such a difficult concept to understand? Why do I prefer to snack and hate myself?
– If I see the scale go up, I panic and then feed myself, almost like I’m sending the message “This (the weight loss) was too good to be true; you better hurry up and I’ll beat myself.”
– Sometimes I eat snacks just because it’s there, like before surgery.
– I couldn’t find a single entry that said “I was actually hungry today, so I had a sandwich.” That tells me I never snack because I’m hungry. Honestly, I’m rarely hungry, so why am I snacking?
Do these behaviors sound familiar? Are they some of the demons you are fighting these days? Snacking is truly bariatric purgatory because it derails weight loss and causes self-loathing. And worst of all, we do it to ourselves.
For an ongoing dialogue on snacks and strategies to beat the habit after gastric bypass, click http://www.livingafterwls.blogspot.com.