My estranged spouse is only willing to “hang out” with me occasionally

Often when you are apart and feel that your spouse is avoiding or rejecting you, then you may tell yourself that you would be extremely happy just to see or talk to them. So you can start a campaign to make this happen by asking about a face-to-face meeting every time you speak. Because it can sometimes take a while for this to happen successfully, you can understandably build up the importance of this in your own mind. So when her estranged husband finally agrees to meet but emphasizes that he wants to keep things casual, it can lead to a bit of confusion and disappointment.

Someone might explain, “For the first two weeks of our separation, my husband wouldn’t even take my calls. I finally got him to talk to me, but he clearly had no interest in seeing me face-to-face. I accepted this because I knew it had cost me.” so much establishing communication that I didn’t want to jeopardize this. We talk fairly regularly now. And I’m grateful for these conversations. But they’re not enough for me. I want to see my husband. I want to have physical contact with him. hug back and maybe a little more. I’ve repeatedly asked him to meet me. He always tried to change the subject. Yesterday, I finally got him to agree to meet me for coffee. I told him maybe we could spend the day, but he said he’s more comfortable just getting together and then “hanging out” your friends but not your spouse now I’m starting to wonder if he’s just hanging out with me hanging out n or is it something you actually do with someone you love, right?

I know this disappoints you because I know how we can tend to accumulate things on our minds during our breakups. We are alone and scared and thinking the worst. We want to have a romantic dinner. We want the outing to last all day. We want to spend some time together that makes things so much better that we can finally have some confidence that everything will work out. That’s why the whole “hang out” thing can be so disappointing to us. We may worry that this meeting is not going to give us what we want or need.

But I can tell you that accepting the little things that are given to you can be a great strategy. Because it allows you to get a foothold on which you can build. And frankly, “hanging out” and having a good casual time together can be just as powerful as a more “formal” romantic outing.

Any time you can just relax and laugh with your estranged spouse, you’ve made a profit. And “hanging out” can help keep things casual and ensure the situation remains low pressure. This is critical. Because a lot of times when we’re apart we put too much pressure on things. And this pressure can cause some discomfort and some disappointment, which is the opposite of what you want.

One of your goals should be to create some momentum. And one of the most effective ways to do that is to start small and build. Your day of hanging out might be going so well that it leads you to something else. Sometimes when you’re apart, you have to embrace baby steps. Just focus on the next conversation and the next encounter because you don’t want to look too far ahead. You don’t want to apply too much pressure.

I know hanging out might seem like a step down for you, but it can actually be a wonderful first step. I would accept it and do my best to keep things as casual and upbeat as possible. Because doing so makes it more likely that this will lead to more frequent and perhaps longer meetings. The idea is that you keep repeating this until you see your spouse regularly and it always goes well so that you both look forward to it.

Sure, hanging out is a small step. But don’t see this as a disappointment. See it as an opportunity. He’s giving you your first chance to build on something. And sometimes, that’s all you need to start a reconciliation.