improve your self-esteem

Often in our society we are bombarded with the lives of celebrities. We may end up feeling that if we are not part of the rich and famous, our lives are insignificant. Our society also sends a message of competence and achievement. We watch sports, we always hear about profits and the bottom line is the dollar, we see big companies constantly competing and buying each other.

The result is often that we are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are, the kind of house we have, how well we are doing in sports, the rewards we We received. However, in reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-esteem that comes from within.

Here is an example: Sara was divorced and felt in many ways that she had cheated her two daughters, in the sense that they lived with very little money. She could shower them with few luxuries. Sometimes in her therapy, she would talk to me about feeling like she wasn’t very good at anything. Her husband had been abusive both physically and mentally, belittling her almost constantly. Although she no longer lived with him, within herself she still harbored feelings of worthlessness.

One day I asked him to review some of the best moments of his childhood. She said, “I always loved it when Uncle Sam used to come over and we’d all sing songs.” I asked her if she did something like that now, with her girls. She said that they often sang together in the car. In fact, she had taught them many of the songs that Uncle Sam had taught her. I asked her if she realized that she was offering her daughters some of the wonderful family memories that were unique to her as a child. She said that she hadn’t thought of that, but it was certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked over and over again to recognize many valuable aspects of herself. Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is an example to all of us, in that each person needs to document her own positive talents and strengths.

We have to learn to pat ourselves on the back. To help you, I suggest a self-pride list. Over the next week, write down at least one item per day that you can be proud of handling well. For example, I was courteous and kind to several people in the checkout line at the grocery store, even though I was tired. However, I used my head, instead of my fist, and really shared my concerns with my son about whether he would get another traffic ticket.

At the end of the week, read your pride list, give yourself a mental hug, or give yourself a high-five. This is the beginning of giving yourself more recognition, which over time will lead to a better sense of self-esteem. It is only with this enhanced sense of self-esteem that you can have the confidence to ensure that your life is full of charm.