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Dream New Dreams: Reimagining my life after loss by Jai Pausch-Memoir Book Review

On September 18, 2007 Randy Pausch delivered his world renowned speech titled The last conference. Pausch was a professor of computer science at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh; and they had diagnosed him with adenocarcinoma, a terminal form of pancreatic cancer. The last conference urged people to live life to the fullest.

Pausch is survived by his wife Jai and their three children, Dylan, Logan and Chloe. Through Randy’s cancer journey, Jai discovered that most cancer resources and support are primarily patient-centered; and few recognize the caregiver.

Dream new dreams is Jai Pausch’s debut book, validating the challenges of cancer patient caregivers. She captures a poignant behind-the-scenes look at the pain Randy endured and his toll on the Pausch family. Ultimately, it describes your personal and family rebirth while honoring the legacy of Randy Pausch.

Jai met Randy when she was a graduate student at the University of North Carolina in 1998; and was visiting professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. Their long-distance love affair resulted in marriage on May 20, 2000, and a farm in Pittsburgh. The couple had three children in five years. The family lived happily until Randy’s fateful doctor call on Labor Day weekend 2006.

Once diagnosed, Randy decided to participate in two months of cancer clinical trials in Houston; and he wanted Jai to be his main caretaker. Logistically, it wasn’t wise to uproot the kids for that timeline, so Jai compromised. Monday through Friday, she took care of Randy in Houston; and flew home on weekends to be with her children.

Randy’s care also presented other challenges. For most of his illness, he refused to use a wheelchair, making the simplest journey arduous; and insisted that Jai learn his complex Excel spreadsheet techniques for monitoring family finances. When he suggested the adoption of his four-month-old daughter, Chloe, to ease Jai’s burden, Jai recognized the extreme stress of cancer that caused Randy to make such ill-conceived statements.

Despite Randy’s intricate needs, Jai continued to go solo, including preparing meals from scratch. Eventually he realized that he needed help. “I came to understand that being strong does not mean not asking for help, nor does it mean not being afraid.”

With the clinical trials completed, it seemed like Randy had a good chance of survival. However, a follow-up appointment in August 2007 confirmed tumor recurrence and growth to other organs. Surgery was not an option; and the couple were faced with the sad reality that Randy would soon die.

It is understandable that Randy was consumed with his illness, wanting to educate the public about pancreatic cancer. In March 2008, he petitioned Congress for increased funding for the National Cancer Institute and pancreatic cancer research. Jai hesitated between supporting Randy’s efforts, as more media followed his message; and looking forward to spending precious time with your children. While Randy enjoyed the care, his health continued to deteriorate.

On July 25, 2008, Randy died. Jai’s natural grieving process generated, what she calls, a first year. They included exclusively planned trips with the kids, Christmas traditions without Randy; and tennis lessons, which she found energizing and therapeutic. During her short time, she was not Randy’s widow or the mother of the Pausch children, but Jai Pausch. “This is something we all need: a life outside of and beyond a role, whether that role is a webmaster or a homemaker,” he says.

A new mantra guides Jai’s life: Dream of new dreams. “When a dream is shattered, you have to pick up the pieces and create a new one. It won’t be the same as the one that broke, but you can expect it to be just as vibrant and exciting.”

Although Randy has passed away, spiritually he thrives among the family and the Pausch universe. Jai has learned to reinvent herself while still caring for her children. He is now a member of the national board of directors for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and recently remarried.

Dream new dreams, while humanizing the devastating cost of cancer, it is a story of hope worth reading.

Jai Pausch Defends Johns Hopkins Caregiver Video Series Called Walking on eggshells. You can view it at: http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/kimmel_cancer_center/patient_information/videos/caregivers.html

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