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5 Types of Relationships You Should Avoid

If you start to question your sense of identity and wonder who you are, it may be because of the relationship you are in. If you’ve left a relationship and have no idea how to behave now that you’re out of it, chances are you’ve been stuck in one of these relationships.

All relationships have their moments. What healthy relationships allow us is to slam doors from time to time and that it is not the end of the world.

When you’re in a toxic relationship and you’re on your toes and too scared to say anything in case you’re ridiculed, ignored, or berated, then that’s a whole different matter. You know when you leave these relationships there’s an initial sigh of relief, and then we start to wonder. “What am I supposed to do now?”

Here are 5 types of relationships to avoid and understand. If your personality is being subsumed by your partner’s, or was controlled by your partner before you left, then it’s time to look at you and what you need.

1. The Carrot Pendant

This relationship is great. The perpetrator keeps you on your toes, hoping for a few crumbs from the master’s table. They tell you things like “in the future, maybe we can do xyz together”. The day for that to happen never comes. They know exactly what they are doing; they are controlling you from a distance, playing puppeteer while you hope for the best. They constantly let you down and then unexpectedly redeem themselves so the cycle starts all over again. They have you, hook and sinker, and have no intention of letting you go.

This level of control has to do with their low self-esteem and not yours, and their need for attention. Your shortcomings show up in how you begin to feel about the relationship. Once you recognize this, you can let it go.

2. The controller

The Controller is a different kind of toxic partner that you dangle carrots for, even though they are both in control at the heart of what they do. The controller likes to get into your head and make you doubt yourself. They say things like, “if you think that dress is cool, then wear it.” And so your doubt arises. They also tell you how well you’re doing…and not in a good way. It’s almost like they’re saying, “I like you, no matter what anyone else thinks.” This type of behavior ties you to them for a period of time, because they are eroding your trust and making you lean on them.

See this for what it is. When they tilt their head to the side and say, “awww, you’ll be fine no matter what,” they’re telling you that they’ll take you under their wing and they’ve got you. Walk away.

3. The narcissist

Have you ever felt completely secondary to a partner? Like you’re not much more than an accessory? Do you know that your toxic partner likes themselves more than anyone else? So you need to understand, right now, that you will never be good enough for them, no matter what you do. This type of association has led many wonderful people to believe that they are useless; and if you have a jealous narcissist, then you are theirs to be treated badly, no one else’s. You are a reflection of them.

Recognize that you will always be the runner-up where they are concerned. Are you willing to put up with this all your life?

4. The Silent

Grumpy partners are a nightmare. They sulk at perceived slights from you. You will spend your time playing “guess what mood x is in tonight”. They’ll walk around with a face like a slapped butt and say “nothing” when you ask them what’s wrong. Make sure you have done something and that you are being punished. You could have left the toothpaste cap on or fucked his best friend, the reaction is the same, disproportionate and unfair. And I guess you haven’t screwed your best friend.

Spending your life racking your brains over what you could have done this time to justify the silent treatment makes you a nervous wreck. Call them for that…

5. Guilt

When you take the brunt of the situation when someone (or the toxic partner) has done something wrong, then you are the scapegoat of their life. You end up being the recipient of everything, because you are there. It all becomes your fault, and if you fight back or disagree, then we get the silent treatment once again. One way or another, what went wrong for them, or what they overreacted to, comes back to you, your fault, and why you’re in the world. It’s unreasonable, it’s unfair, and it shows they can’t accept responsibility or filter out the inconvenience.

If it becomes your fault, “you’re the one who wanted this” when, say, you fail a credit check to buy your engagement ring on the premises… get out of the relationship before you get stuck! Do not accept this behavior! (just an example, my friends… ).

If your toxic partner is or was all these things; well done admitting it. So what’s next?

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